Ok, so first of all: I fucked up. Royally. I did something that I promised I would not. I will say, my decisions were highly contended by my own subconscious. Though, I still gave in, and I made a poor decision. While I wish I could take this action back, I am slowly learning that the past is in the past. I cannot change what has been done, what mistakes have been made, but I can tell you that I know that I have made them. And, better yet, I know what I should have done instead of the actions I actually took. I think that I have always known how to fix my problems, which is probably why I am so ashamed about the condition I live in. It is hard for me to talk to you because it is hard to tell you the truth. I am still learning who I am as a person, and how to be a person who has things that make them happy in their life. I know what makes me happy: writing, listening to music, keeping up with politics and having conversations about how to make things better in the world. Something that I know just as equally as what I have previously stated is this: I am beyond scared to take action. I never do what I truly want to do, say what I want to say. This, above all, is the reason that I struggle with self-hatred. I see myself so clearly, yet I have always ignored the obvious problems, along with their equally obvious solutions. What I want to leave you with is this: I have come to a realization about myself as a person: I accept that I am not perfect. I accept that there are things that, like everyone, I have to work on. More importantly, I want to get to work on these problems. I want to do the things I know make me happy. I’ll still do the things necessary to keep myself going down a good path with school and relationships. I have come to the realization that these are two of the most important things in life, but not the most. The most important, the single most important thing (and I know I’ve used that word a lot, fuck off) is find your happiness. And for the first time in my life, I truly want to do that. I know it will not be easy, and I know that I will most certainly need help, I am confident I will be able to change. 

I share this not to gain your pity, but to show you something which I had only just come to realize. Nobody is perfect. We make things up as we go along, everyone of us just as scared and unsure of ourselves as the rest. No matter what we do, what we accomplish, all of us can relate to the feeling of not being good enough. With it being such a commonality, there is something else which we can all share as well: the ability to improve upon our weaknesses. Sometimes, all it takes is to take a look at yourself, deeper than just looking in the mirror every morning. A look that is one of criticality. Now, this is not an attempt to create self-loathing for everyone, as I know that looking too deeply can lead to that. No, this is an action which can bring about clarity and an overwhelming feeling of comfort. In my opinion, this is one of the most mature things a person can do. Admit your imperfections and come to your own realizations. You are not perfect, no one is. There’s always room for improvement, for evolution. That is what humans do.